It's that time of the year again when the humans go a bit crazy, otherwise known as Christmas. Here's our guide to making the most of the festive season, rabbit style...
Greetings, fellow house rabbits. It's that time of the year again when the humans go a bit crazy, otherwise known as "Christmas".
Christmas can be a time of mixed blessings for a house rabbit. On the one hand, there is the likelihood of more treats, attention and excitement; on the other hand, there is the risk of interruption to our sacred routine, naptimes and so on. Here's our guide to making the most of the festive season, rabbit style.
Christmas trees are so great we don't understand why the humans don't have them all year round. What could be better for a house rabbit than a tree in your living room? Brilliant. Anyway, you get the amusement of watching the humans trying to put the lights on (and try to protect the cables from yours truly) and here's your chance to be a helpful house bunny by nibbling any branches within reach and generally tidying up the tree. If you're really lucky, they'll be stupid enough to leave some of those little choccies dangling within reach too - bonus. All other decorations should be avoided like the plague - trust us, tinsel and baubles do not taste good.
No doubt your humans have been telling you for months that you have to be good otherwise Santa Paws will not bring you any presents (by the way, we are not entirely convinced by this; surely the Santa Paws of rabbits would reward what the humans call "bad" behaviour?) Either way, you're guaranteed a present or two - maybe a nice new willow ball or a new bed. Very good, thank you, but really we should be getting that sort of stuff year round so forgive us if we don't get too excited. What the humans fail to realise is that the best bit of presents for us is helping them unwrap theirs. Acres and acres of wrapping paper to play with... we're getting excited just thinking about it. If they tell you they can manage on their own, ignore them - we all know there's no better present opener than a set of rabbit teeth. Watch out for the sellotape though, that stuff can mess your fur up for days.
The dressing up
Like we said, the humans go a bit crazy around this time of year and all sorts of weird costumes and hats appear. No problem, we're always happy to have a laugh at your expense... as long as you don't include us. Now really, this is where we draw the line. I'm sure you think we look very cute with little hats and scarfs on but come on! We have our dignity to maintain and we just know those photos will be surfacing for years to the accompaniment of giggles and coos... well, we warned you so don't be surprised if you get bunny butt well into the New Year.
Unless your humans are total hermits, you'll probably get all sorts of visitors over Christmas and sometimes lots at one time - this is what they call a "party". They all get very loud, very silly and embarrass themselves, bless them. Our advice is to lay low in your usual safe zone, behind the sofa or wherever, until all the strangers have fallen out the door and your humans have fallen up the stairs to bed. Then you are free to emerge and graze on the mince pie crumbs scattered all over the floor, straighten up the sofa cushions and generally make the place tidy. Note - your humans will probably not be in a great mood the next day, we have no idea why but it is in no way an excuse for a late breakfast so wake them up at the usual time and don't take no for an answer.
Now obviously we rabbits don't give a thump about turkey (in fact, as vegans we think it's rather barbaric but we respect your need to be carnivores). The trimmings, however, are a different matter. You are likely to be presented with a massive heap of carrot peelings on Christmas morning which should keep you going til lunchtime. This is also the only time of the year that you are likely to see a rare and confusing vegetable known as "brussel sprouts". Love them or loathe them, you will probably be expected to eat some of the peelings in a polite manner. You may even be expected to work your way through a "brussel sprout stalk"... all we can say on this is - good luck.
It is a well known fact that humans are greedy gluttons year round and this is no more true than on Christmas Day. They stuff themselves until their pants are bursting and they are rolling around on the sofa in agony. Don't sink to their level, you will regret it the next day. Spend the afternoon munching hay and the odd little treat, all the while chuckling inwardly at their suffering.
We wish you a very Happy Christmas, fellow house rabbits and always remember - it's a bunny world, the humans just live in it!