Bailey's top tips for a long and happy bunny marriage, including flattery, speed-eating, keeping the love alive, good manners and the importance of giving each other space...
Greetings, fellow house rabbits. Here's my relationship tips, most of which I've learned the hard way...
Flattery will get you everywhere
In my experience, girls have an incredibly high opinion of themselves. Pander to her belief that you are the luckiest boy in the world to be with her and you can't go far wrong. Show her every day how much you appreciate her, how honoured you are when she gives you a kiss, how you would do anything to make her happy... she'll lap it up and you'll be Mr Perfect.
Show a united front
If your lady is disapproving of something your humans have done (could be anything, too numerous to list) then back her up and join in the huffy ignoring of them until such time as she forgives them. Don't be a traitor and sell out for extra nibbles.. it's just not cool.
Know your place
Always give her first bite of the apple / banana / carrot - whatever it is on offer. Keep your elbows in, your nose down and develop a speed-eating technique - you will still get as much food (if not more) and will avoid much marital disharmony.
Manners cost nothing
However long you've been together, imagine it is still your first date and mind your manners. Don't hog the bed, let her go first through a doorway, wait til she's finished in the litter tray before jumping in etc, etc... all these things smooth the path of love.
Keep the love alive
Remember when you first laid eyes on her and couldn't wait to lay your paws on her? It never hurts to remind your girl how pretty she is - chase her around a bit, give her a 'honk honk' now and then, maybe even a flirty kiss on the tail... and don't forget to keep the romance alive; a loving ear nuzzle is always well appreciated by the ladies.
Give her space
If your girl is showing signs of irritability, it is useless to try and find out what's wrong - if you don't know, she's not going to tell you. Leave her be and don't follow her around like a love-sick puppy; it's undignified and will only make matters worse. She'll come back in her own time once she's got over her huff and you can give her a kiss and make up. In the meantime, enjoy having the bed to yourself.
Give yourself space
By the same token, it doesn't harm your relationship if you take some time out now and then. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all. Find a good man-cave and use it. It's an opportunity to chew pellets in peace, scratch your bottom, clean out your ears etc, etc.
Longer periods of separation
Sometimes your loved one may have to go to the hospital for a day or overnight. When she returns, welcome her with joyous kisses and take her straight to bed. She will have that yucky hospital smell so groom her lovingly from nose to tail, all the while telling her how much you missed her, how worried you were, how you were pacing all day.... she doesn't need to know that actually you spent the whole day lounging on the sofa stuffing your face with dried herbs and carrot slices.
Well, that's it folks.. I wish you all long and happy bunny marriages!
